Unavoidable Baggage

All relationships come with baggage, some more than others. My relationship came with baggage that couldn't be worked through no matter how hard either of us tried, argued, fought, cried, begged, or loved each other, but we held on for much longer than anyone thought we would. There is a cute meme that floats around the interwebs now and again with a quote that says something to the effect of "Everyone has baggage. Find someone who will help you unpack". What happens when neither of you can get fully unpacked for reasons out of your control?

Here is where the heartache comes in: one of us had to let go and it wasn't me. I may be the fool in this situation. I had hoped that just as every time before, we would work things through, and I was incredibly wrong. As he began to drift away I held on harder, I loved him more, and I poured everything I had into the changing relationship. We ended up in a relationship with two people in two separate places fighting for two totally different things, all while trying to maintain what we considered "normal" life for us. Naturally, when he wanted to move on, I was (and still am) devastated, because I was still in a relationship and he was not. He is going after a different happiness while I am left picking up the pieces with very little help.

There are several things that need to happen in order for us to have healthy relationships. The first is very difficult, and that is if something feels "off", check it out. It is nerve wracking to approach your partner when you feel something is different or "off" and it would be so much easier to do like I did and bury your head in the sand and go on about your day. By opening up an honest and open line of communication you save a lot of time and perhaps unnecessary anxiety. The second is being willing to listen once that line has been opened up, not just hearing what your partner is saying, but actively listening to their needs and desires. Had I known that four months ago my partner needed to shift out of a relationship I would have shifted with him. We didn't talk about it until he found someone else, which is one of the worst times in any person's life to be shocked by someone you thought you trusted with your heart. As you can imagine I am dealing with some very serious emotional and spiritual damage from simply not communicating when there were many opportunities to do so. The third is the most difficult and that is being prepared to be disappointed if something is wrong. Not all relationships, short and long term, are meant to last in the way we want them to. Some people are put into our lives and walk out of them. Sadly, it is our job to pick ourselves up when that happens, and that is an ugly process.

I am trying not to feel like the relationship was all for not, like we were kidding ourselves to be in love with one another, to not color everything with the immense amount of pain that swirls through my body, mind, and heart. It is difficult not to feel worthless when the person you are with chooses someone else and immediately jumps into another relationship, doesn't want to communicate often, doesn't want to see you, when it seems like just yesterday he was bringing you flowers and coffee table books by your favorite artist, or sweeping you off of your feet with a single kiss hello. It is difficult to feel like someone else stole your life and your love and now you are left with more questions than answers. All I can offer is that I hope someday to be able to look back and remember with tears of joy, not the pain I was given in return for my love, but the love I once felt was real. 

Trust. Communicate. Be brave.