I keep asking myself where I want to go from here. The prospects for someone like myself are few and far in-between. More and more I realize how important it is to let people go, especially those who continually hurt you or treat you like you don't matter, and listening to whatever "presence" or "God" you believe in when they are trying to speak through the pain you have been given. You quickly learn who your friends are, or are not, when something bad happens to you. It can be daunting to try and comprehend why on earth people are placed in your life, only to find out they don't belong there after all.
Human beings are able to judge whether or not they will like a person upon meeting them in 10 seconds or less. Our reptilian brain is quite remarkable in that way. However, our reptilian brain tends to throw us under the bus when it comes to making good choices about relationships, and this is something that we should all be aware of. I find myself in similar relationships over and over again, all ending in nearly the same way, and each time I tell myself I will never be with anyone like that again. Whether it is a two month relationship or a four year relationship, each has ended in the same way. Change is difficult, scary, uncomfortable, but for the sake of not being hurt again we all need to consider how we are around certain types of people and how to better gauge what is going to be a healthy decision or a destructive one.
Dig in. The art of digging in and digging deep in times of great struggle is integral to building up your defenses while at the same time healing your heart. That isn't to say that you shouldn't remain open to new experiences and individuals, but it does mean that we have to reevaluate how we protect ourselves, and forces us to choose the people we welcome into our lives more carefully. It is also good to note that it is okay to show your emotions while you work through the pain. Those who matter will help you through it.
If we only get this one life, I want to be with someone who chooses me every time, not just sometimes. I deserve to be with someone who loves me and means it when he says it. I deserve to be treated with respect, honesty, caring, devotion, and above all else I deserve to be loved every moment of every day without question, FAITHFULLY despite whatever obstacles or baggage exist. I should not have to prove to anyone that I am worthy of their time or their love. We are all inherently worthy of love.
It's time to dig in and let go.
